I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dignity is for republicans.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
