Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
