"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
