On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
