I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
