just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
