I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I got inside last night via doggy door
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
