I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
