Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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