The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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