Sry I called you an 8
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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