i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
