I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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