i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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