You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
