she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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