What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize