I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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