im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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