Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We need a shit load of segways right now
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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