We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
