glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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