If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so let's talk penis.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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