boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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