So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
