You just made me feel so damn special
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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