Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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