Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
