At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We are two peas in an std pod
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
is it fun? or sober?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
