please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
