In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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