Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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