How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
