Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
