We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
