i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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