Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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