You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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