You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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