did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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