when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
