I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
