Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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