As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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