i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
