worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
