I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
