i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
