everyone is single if you try hard enough
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
