Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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