I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
