I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
