i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
