Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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