Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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