She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
