Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
