WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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