Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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