I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
