I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
