Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
