you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
