It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
