I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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