so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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