This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We have so much sex to catch up on
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
