I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
