dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
