I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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