I can tuck mytits in my pants
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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