I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
