I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just had sex on a roof
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
