I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
did you just send me my own nude
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
