How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
