Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
nutella sex= disaster
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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