# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
