first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
