There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
