We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
