Rock
Scissors
Fuck
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
