dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Is Oprah even human
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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