maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize