I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
