Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
