My friends, they love my intelligence
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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