and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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