I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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