My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
