So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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