so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
