I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
