My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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