matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
