I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
