clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
