I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I need to calm my uterus...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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