# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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