Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
