sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have demons in me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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