you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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